Happiness knows no nationality - Happily married to a foreigner

Thriving through stereotypes of marrying a Nigerian in South Africa.

In 2015 I met the love of my life and my life was never the same again. Me and hubby met in a church in Bramley , Johannesburg. It wasn't only his handsomeness that attracted me to him but his character , love for God , calmness  and the way he was always smiling, laughing and happy.

We had a mutual friend which led our paths to meet because for some weird reason I never notice him yet I was an usher in church and most of the time was standing by the door greeting everyone who came in.I strongly believe that God hid him from my sight because maybe i wasn't ready to meet him nor ready for a relationship or to settle down then. 

What made me marry him :

We dated for 3 years and in those 3 years he showed me what love really is. I wasn't really a fan of marriage because I had a very bad perception of marriage. I'm very stubborn and it takes a certain kind of man to deal with my stubbornness. He was everything that i asked God for when praying for a life partner , God fearing , patient ,loving , caring , calm , responsible ,understanding and a great father figure for my children ,God gave me something extra because I'm his favourite daughter on top of it all he gave me a man that cooks  (Yep he cooks) .

3 years later he decided it was time for me to take his surname and asked for my hand in marriage.🐂🐄🐂🐄 . My answer was YES💍💍 because i couldn't imagine life without him.He is the one i want to wake up next to for the rest of my life. He is the one who gives me butterflies in my stomach.He is the perfect father for my kids and he is the one i want to fast and pray with for the rest of my life.

 Our Lobola Day 

People's perception:

When hubby paid the bride price (Lobola) and we did our traditional marriage it was the best days of our lives but few days later i was reminded how most people have a lot of bad things to say about marrying a foreigner more especially a Nigerian. I was mentally ready for it but i didn't know it would hurt so much.

Cyber bullying experience :

My mother posted our pictures on a Facebook group for ladies only, where ladies would share their achievements , special days of their lives, get advice, motivate each other and basically share everything. Comments flew in accusing my mom of selling me to Nigerians , that I'm gonna die young because Nigerians have big D***s. Saying I'm getting married because I'm after money , he is marrying me because he wants citizenship ,they said things like Nigerians are crooks, drug dealers,traffickers and a whole lot of nasty things.

We were so hurt by all those comments but I later reminded myself of a few things. Firstly I knew for a fact that none of those things were true , Secondly those people knew nothing about me or hubby and at that moment I knew I wasn't about to allow people that know nothing about me or my husband ruin my day. My mother went from a proud mom to a hurt mom because people do not know where to draw the line.

 Our Traditional Marriage Ceremony Part 1

I thought that was the end but no it continued....

A month later I went home for my sons school price giving and met with a lady from my church back home and to my surprise she had her own views about my husband and marriage and a lot to say too. Heh I was told how I have guts to marry a Nigerian when Nigerians are such bad people blah blah blah.I mean I've never heard that she travelled to Nigeria so where is her knowledge of Nigerians coming from?Well I must say the conversation didn't end well because I wasn't about to stand and let someone trash talk me, my husband and my marriage.I was tired of all the xenophobic remarks and offensive things people were saying about me and my marriage.I had to quickly switch from being a girl to a woman,from a young lady to a wife and also educate someone in the process. 

I mean I grew up in front of her eyes, so how was I marrying for money when my mom gave us the best life she could?We were not wealthy but we had everything we needed and more.How was my husband marrying me for citizenship when he is in the country legally? he doesn't even need me to be in South Africa .How is my husband going to leave me for his village /Nigerian wife when he never got married in his country?

I had to educate her how all Nigerians are different and that not all Nigerians traffic women , are rapists, drug dealers, scammers , marry for citizenship etc. I told her about how my husband have loved me unconditionally for over 3 years , how he loves & takes care of my son like his own , how he's a God fearing man , how in the 3 years we've been together he never man handled me or even tried to , how he is not married in his native country.I had to remind her how God made all of us differently and set each and everyone of us apart so with that being said she had no reason what so ever to judge my husband based on his nationality. Just because someone from the same country as him did something wrong it doesn't necessarily mean everyone in that country is like that I mean we all have different characters. I wonder when that wrong mentality will ever stop. When will people actually see people for who they are and not judge them based on their countries of origin.

Our Traditional Marriage Ceremony Part 2

I mean now all of a sudden everyone knew a girl that married a Nigerian guy that turned out to be married back home with kids , who after getting citizenship left the South African wife and fetched his Nigerian wife. Now all of a sudden everyone knew someone who married a Nigerian and when she visited Nigeria she never came back. Everyone new a lady that married a Nigerian guy that turned out to be Lord knows what. Are all those guys my husband ? NO . So why is he crucified for sins he did not commit?

It's easy to turn a blind eye on what our brothers do (they rape , cheat , are drug dealers ,are in human trafficking syndicates and do all the things that every other guy from other nations do. Its easy to only concentrate on what our foreign brothers do instead. There are a lot of cases of human trafficking , drug dealing ,fraud , rape etc done by our own South African brothers but no one says anything when our sisters marry them , so how is that fair? 

Honestly speaking I feel somehow even thinking about it. How is it when a person marries a foreigner (black ) there's a lot of negativity around that marriage but when a person marries a white foreigner , congratulations are in order? It doesn't make sense.

I feel like most of my fellow South Africans are not too open minded because if they were , they wouldn't attack us ladies that marry foreigners ( more especially Nigerians) like they do. The same foreigners being attacked are the very same ones that are raising children that aren't theirs because South African fathers have bailed on them. The very same foreigners they share classrooms with in varsity, same foreigners they're in the same football clubs with,same foreigners that are teachers ,lectures , doctors etc. When you start judging, do you forget the good things they do in this country?

The way I was treated with respect , handled with care, appreciated and loved shined right through me and that's why my family accepted my husband and welcomed him with both arms opened.Yes they were certain concerns but after they met him ,they saw the kind of person he is and instantly gave us their blessings.

In conclusion:

Please consider other peoples feelings and before talking you need to understand the power of your words.Words either build or destroy,so before saying anything check if your words will either build or destroy the person you're talking to.One might laugh at certain things you say yet deep down those things are hurting them. Leave people to make their own life decisions whether you think it's a mistake or not.Lastly don't generalize people because we're all not the same. We might come from the same community , province , country etc. , but that does not necessarily mean we do things the same way.Let us learn not to judge one another but accept and respect each other.Let's stop crucifying people for sins they did not commit.